iPimp Closes Penngrove Offices,
Relocates to Bangalore
December 25, 2006 – San Francisco, California – iPimp announced today the closure of its research and development office in Penngrove, California and that it was relocating all non-administrative positions to Bangalore, Indiana. iPimp’s base of operations will continue to be run out of August Deveraux’s basement in San Francisco, at least for the interim.
“It’s a sad, sad, terribly sad day here at iPimp,” said August Deveraux III, president and co-founder of iPimp at their annual Christmas luncheon. Effective immediately, all terminated employees had to forfeit their earnings for the past 6 months as stipulated in their contracts. This additional income serves as a “safety net” for the company moving forward.
“These are tough times, and they require tough measures. But iPimp will survive.” offered Deveraux as the affected employees were escorted from the luncheon mid-desert and were immediately replaced by the new hires that will eventually staff the Bangalore offices.
Located 6 miles out of Santa Claus, between the Kentucky border and the Alls Well Chemical Plant, Bangalore was voted cheapest place to live in the United States by Toxicology Today. Builders have already broken ground in constructing new offices, while employees live and work in a nearby trailer park.
Deveraux reassured the press after the luncheon. “Some will say this is the final chapter of iPimp. But I would urge the naysayers to watch closely over the next few months. We've got big plans. These folks from Bangalore are fast learners, and their English is pretty good too. Quality of service should be shouldn’t be any different then prior to the outsourcing.”
iPimp’s recent partnership with Braniff Airlines is partly to blame for its recent financial struggles and delisting. Three months into their agreement, Braniff filed for Chapter 37 protection, a little known and seldom used provision in bankruptcy law which protects companies from themselves.
“The company is cursed,” offered one Wall Street outsider, “Going to bed with Braniff was suicide. Hopefully iPimp pulled back the covers in time.”
iPimp is a revolutionary software company that provides products and services for the pimping business. iPimp brings a level efficiency, accountability and profitability previously unheard of. Relying on traditional business principals born and refined in the most successful corporate boardrooms, iPimp takes hooking to a whole new level, and brings the worlds oldest profession in the 21st century.